Want your hubs to help out more.. this may help
How many times have you answered, “I am just a mom” to the fantastic question: “ So what do you do?”
I am guilty. There have been so many times I have shrunk back and sheepishly ashamed said “I am just a mom”. I know I am not the only one. For the past few weeks, I have been reading Fair Play and have loved it. It is a book about the invisible load that we as mothers carry and helpful tools and strategies to build better systems with your hubs to get some of these things off of your plate.
Something that I (and a lot of my clients) struggle with is wanting to be respectful of our husbands and simultaneously living in the truth that they are far from helpful. It might look something like this:
“Well, my husband is not really that helpful. He works long hours and has a lot of stress at work. I mean, he is a great father. He loves our kids but seems kind of checked-out on our day-to-day life.”
For most of us what we are saying is, “I work my tail off, I am super stressed and overwhelmed, I mean, that is why we are talking, right? These are our kids and while he earns a paycheck he is not helpful in any other area at home.” When he gets home he gets to watch tv or zone out on his phone. While I too have been working all day and since he has been home I have cooked and cleaned up from dinner, bathed the kids, gotten them ready for bed, made lunches, gotten the kids ready for school, tidied up, and on and on.
Mama, I just want you to know I see you.
I know how hard you are working. I feel disappointed with you that your hub is not as helpful as you wish he would be. Your time, while it may not give you a paycheck, is just as if not more valuable.
Tony and I are beginning to have more conversations about these things at home. And while nothing may change in regards to who does what, we will have a shared plan and know why we are doing things the way we are doing them. I would love to invite you into the same kind of conversation with your spouse before bitterness sets in. The goal is a shared plan for who does what.
If you feel like you need more guidance and want to lessen your load, even the invisible aspects, may I recommend Eve’s book and the game?
Last night Tony and I pulled out those cards and played and I thought I could share that with you! Here is a little sample of what it looked like: https://www.mamasystems.net/
Cheering you on, mama!
Laura
PS. Even if you are holding most of the deck, you can still delegate out a lot of the things you do not enjoy!
