A system for marriage

Wouldn't it be great if I could give you a foolproof system to make your marriage amazing?

Tony and I both know and are very well aware that our marriage has not been an easy one. I feel we have had our fair share if not more in regards to struggles.

We also know that having special needs children increases the chances of divorce by 30%. This is definitely not something that we want but we know it is a possibility. With all that being said, it has become vital for both of us to create space and time for each other to connect. From very early on we knew the importance of a date night but really began to feel the importance of a date night when we went from four to eight kids. We know that the most loving thing we can do for our kids is to show up not only in a great place individually but in a healthy place and on the same team in our marriage.

Having 10 children you might think that we have gobs of extra cash to spend on babysitters and go on extravagant date nights, but you would be wrong. The truth is that we've had to get pretty creative in how we connect with each other on a weekly and daily basis. I'm inclined to think that you also desire for your marriage to be the best possible for your kiddos so I would love to share some of the ways that we've gotten creative and created space for date night.

Just starting out we did a weekly trade-off with another couple friends. One week they would watch our kids so that we each had a chance to get out about every other week. While watching their kids we would then have an in-home date night and the kids played or watched a movie.

As our numbers grew and I felt more uncomfortable about having someone watch eight kids while we just watched their two, Tony's mom committed to coming over weekly and watching our kids while we went on date night

We've gone through phases where we have not been able to afford babysitters weekly but plan for them every other week and do in-home date nights on the off weeks.

Dinner never has to be fancy sharing a plate at a local Tex-Mex place where we can fill a bunch of chips and salsa is always a win.

The goal is never extravagant, though sometimes that's fun, the goal is connection.

Another thing we tried to do on date nights if not more than that is a simple check-in. This helps make sure that our conversation on date night is not simply about work or kids, but that we are actually connecting with each other.  

We take turns asking each other:

• What has been the best part of your week?
• What has made you feel anxious this past week/ what has been consuming your thoughts? 
• Do we have anything unresolved that we need to talk through? 
• Is there a way that I can support and love you this week?

As a mama, I know we can easily get caught up in the reactions of our lives and we miss the intentions. Scheduling these check-ins has been such a help to me to make sure that the thing we find most important doesn't get lost in the weeds.

If you find yourself in a difficult situation in your marriage I would love to pray for you this week. Let me know by replying to this email. 

Wanting so much good for you!

Laura