Hey Mama! 

A few weeks ago, we walked through the journey to create a more peaceful Thanksgiving. The path to peace in the planning process is always guided by intention. Intention is our desire; our dreams are our time. These things do not magically happen. We must take the time to plan.

I would like to share with you the questions I ask myself as I plan out our month. I will also share my responses to this year's planning to help give you some ideas.

1. What traditions do we, as a family, want to continue? (The Jessie Tree, our gift-buying guidelines)

2. How do I prepare my heart for the Christmas/Advent season? (I will be reading Come, Let Us Adore Him by Paul David Tripp)

3. Are there boundaries that need to be drawn or expectations that need to be set early on to lessen conflict later? (We will be attending church on Christmas Eve.)

4. Are there things in the community that we want to participate in? (I would love to take my kids to a Christmas...

If you are looking for ways to simplify things in your home this Christmas season, I would love to share with you how we shop for Christmas presents with our kids.

For the most part, there is not a single household in America that needs more stuff. I know that for so many moms, the last thing we need is more toys and junk for our children to leave all around the house. I want to give my children good gifts, but I also know that the more gifts they get, they don't magically become grateful. In fact, the opposite ensues.

Several years ago, we decided to minimize the number of Christmas gifts coming into our home. We have done this by putting a system in place that allows every child to get something to read, something to wear, something to play, and something to share. Something to share is typically a big gift that they can all share together or that a group of them can share together. Something to play creates the space to get done something that they have been wanting, and it's...

This week can be full of so much excitement, and I find that it's hard sometimes to take a minute to care for myself amongst all the planning, cooking excitement, and people.

Over the last few years, I have learned the value of figuring out beforehand where I'm going to go when I need a minute. My bedroom has become my little hideaway when people come over. I love hosting and being in charge of Thanksgiving, but the day can also produce some sensory overwhelm for me.

There will inevitably be a time or two—maybe even three—that I need to step out and take some deep breaths. This could be due to a triggering conversation or the loudness of children, but regardless of what's going on, I know I need to take care of myself.

I would like to encourage you to do the same, even if you don't think you're going to need a break. Planning a place and creating an environment that helps you calm down are necessary. If it's not your room, figure out a space in the house, even if it's...

I find that even when I am not trying to, I accidentally create traditions with my people. I think whatever choices our family makes a couple of our kids will remember them and remind me that we need to perform the same thing the following year. 

I guarantee you that over the next couple of weeks, Sam will say to me, “Mom when are we going to go to ____ and do _____.” I will then stare at him, clueless. 

While I would like to tell you that my brain can store all the meaningful ideas that I have ever thought of, I really can’t. I may see something and think oh that would be fun and we just may execute on it, but that doesn't mean that we need to pull that off every year. 

Last year, we decided to make a notecard of the traditions that we in fact do want to be traditions and put it in with the decorations and I am so glad we did. Already talking about the holiday season we have a very good, and dare I say, reliable system to work...

Our family can be a lot. I get it. There are not many who are willing or even able to have us over to their homes. Knowing this, we have fully embraced hosting Thanksgiving at our house, and I truly love it.

As I mentioned last week, I do not like being rushed into or through the holidays. I want to be still and enjoy every part of them. For me, this means that I have things planned out well in advance, and the execution strategy allows for the week of Thanksgiving to be free from all of the hustle. I enjoy drinking coffee and watching the parade with my kids the morning of, so the majority of the work needs to be done before then.

With two weeks to go until Turkey Day, I thought we could work out some of the details that need to be nailed down.

1. Start with what you know. What time will you be eating, and who is coming?
2. Decide what food you want to serve and how it is going to end up at your table (homemade, store-bought, someone else will bring it).
3. Break it...

Tis the Season, right? Tomorrow begins the countdown to being asked a million times over to show up in ways you are less than excited to do.  From hosting, baking, attending parties and gatherings and the list goes on. Before we even step into November, let's get clear on what we want to say yes to. Because when we are clear on that, everything else will fall into place. 

Over the next minute, as you read this email. Remember that you are different in every way from every other mama. No one has your children, your family history, and your gifts and strengths, so no shoulding on yourselves. It is okay that you do not feel like you can host Thanksgiving dinner this year, that you don’t want to participate in the family gift exchange, or even that you do not want to help with your child’s school party. It is okay to say no to these things. 

As a rule of thumb, we need to set our priorities and intentions for the season before entering...

Hey Mama,

I am curious how you plan your meals. Do you plan a month or week ahead? Do you have rotating staples or like to try new ideas? Do you fly by the seat of your pants every day? Are you a “Sunday-meal-prep-day” Mama? Do you tend towards crockpot meals on certain days of the week? Is Friday night always pizza night?

Most of us have some sort of system in place… even if it’s a season full of take-out and drive-thrus! 

Have you evaluated your system recently? Is it working for you and for your family?

I will start right now by saying that I know this can be an overwhelming thing. Meal planning can feel daunting and exhausting before you even get started! But I also know that having a plan for feeding your people is ALSO a really important form of self-care.

If you have been hanging around Mama Systems for a while, you might have seen that I love to plan our meals by theme. We start this process by having the...

It truly is my greatest joy to work with mamas. The precious vulnerability that comes out when one is reaching out for help instantly bonds us. I can say this from both perspectives, simply and only because I have been there before. 

I have stood in my kitchen crying, wondering how to make it to the next day. 

I hid in my bathroom because I could no longer take the whining and fighting.

I have felt so overwhelmed by everything involved in running a house that I felt as if I were drowning. 

I work hard not to forget those feelings because that is where I find empathy for other mamas. I know the difficulty of getting a child's diagnosis and having no idea where to turn or what to do next. I know how difficult it is when no one contributes to physically running the household except you. It can be so hard. That is precisely why I am here for you. I do not want any mama to have to walk this road alone. 

Putting systems in...

Do you remember last week how I shared that my children could be better about monitoring themselves on devices? They always think they know better. They believe that screen time does not affect them and that they can hop off when they have had enough. As parents, we know better.

Left to their own devices, our children would be glued to their screens non-stop, and we also know this does them no favors. The more they are on, the more entitled and rotten they become. 

This crisis we foresaw in our kids is where the Ticket system was born. We saw a direct correlation between our kid's screen intake and the ensuing entitlement. Like us, you probably do not want your children to think that they deserve whatever they want, whenever they want. 

While I am sure that this system has its flaws, it is hard for me to name any. This system, like life, requires you to earn privileges and rewards. So to be able to play 30 minutes of Xbox, they need to have five tickets to...

I am no stranger to counseling. Being an Enneagram 3, I have learned that the problems and issues that arise in my life are ones that I see as challenging, and I want to check off the healing process. Sadly, it is never that easy, and I have learned that the only way out is through. Wanting something to change usually takes time and so much work. 

You might ask yourself, “Why is this systems lady trying to help me with my personal life? “  

Well, Mama, that is such a great question. Through my years of coaching mamas with systems, there is always so much more than getting a chore chart, a meal plan, or a schedule in place. There is often boundary work, marriage work, trauma healing, or family of origin work that needs to be done. 

Today, in this little moment of checking your email. 

I want to remind you that doing the work is not only good for you, it is necessary. It is essential to be a better woman and love your children...